Embracing the Unknown
Good morning, Fellow Travelers,
In this pre-dawn Oklahoma morning, I can hear the night critters lazily carousing, singing their final numbers - I swear I heard a tired frog croak “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”
There’s a certainty in nature, even in all her glorious chaos, that at this moment I envy. The birds will wake up soon, the late monarchs will (hopefully) flap madly between flowerbeds, the trees will embrace the dawn.
I, on the other hand, during the inbetween moments when I am not distracted, feel a bit unmoored. The long grind of the pandemic and all of the division, loss, sociopathy and injustice it has either brought or revealed, feels relentless now. While countless smaller heartbreaks and triumphs are floating in the aether, after months of responding to Godzilla-like monsters, this elongated period of uncertainty leaves me a loss for how to….well, How To Be. This is the new normal, I suppose, and I must find a way to manage, to move forward, with a sense of meaning.
Ah, but there’s the rub, no? Without a firm concept of what to aim for on any given day, my thoughts range from trigger-happy hyper-awareness to laconic periods that feel like waiting, trudging, on constant alert for the next bit of adrenaline, scrolling madly for the next hit of dopamine. Do you feel the same? Are you itchy for a solid direction - for certainty?
I ask myself this morning: what if THIS is it? What if this apprehensive negotiation of a changed and shifting landscape is now the standard? Can I bear it? Can I welcome and manage to (gasp) embrace uncertainty?
It dawns on me (literally - it’s now dawn) that this is the moment where my life can truly imitate my art…if I allow it.
Follow me for a second - I have been trained for decades in the art of live composition. For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, it means that I am an expert in creating and shaping moments out of nothing but the responses and impulses surrounding me. I throw out a gesture, and the artists I’m with respond to it based on their interpretations. I watch them, perhaps throwing out another gesture to complement their offerings, and that’s how we roll together to create a composition. A “good” performance comes from a place of accepting whatever comes and gently moving it like a puzzle piece to fit an ever-shifting picture. A “bad” performance results from imposing my will and attempting to micromanage every moment. In short, to be successful, I’ve gotta embrace whatever emerges without being fixated on a final result.
Soundpainting, the compositional sign language I use for these acts, is based on faith, trust, authentic expression, sincerity, and, perhaps most of all, an open dialogue between I and Thou.
When I first began this practice, lo these many moons ago, with the Walter Thompson Orchestra, the art of Soundpainting was a delightful antidote to the postmodern irony that was sooooo prevalent for so long. It was a welcome respite from the age of influencers, snide snobbery and clever .gifs. We created our own worlds together, and those worlds were novel in their equanimity and joyful collaboration. We could play together in a shared act of rebellion against the Zeitgeist, and that felt great.
Now, however, our society is experiencing a subtle shift underneath the effects of our collective PTSD. I encounter more and more people casually mentioning their therapists over cocktails; young people are, by and large, effortlessly embracing their exquisite Otherness (after watching generations before them struggle with West Elm homogenization); even my mother, as she irons her linen curtains, is enjoying the effects of gummies.
My art form, which for years seemed like a rebellion against society, has now become a handbook of sorts for humanity: offer authentically, ask respectfully for what you want, and knock the tyrant out of your god-box when faced with what comes next.
While it is a struggle to land SPARK! in a community unversed in non-linear, non-narrative contemporary performance, it nevertheless feels like we’re in the right place at the right time. I, along with the 11 other magnificent artists in the ensemble, are living illustrations of options for navigating the myriad options possible for each moment, together.
The project was created as a response to the need for community healing and cohesion - the basic value statement being, “how could building a performance together, in a public place, ignite radical collaboration and shared humanity?”
It is with great gratitude and no small amount of pride to report that our efforts are bearing fruit. At the time of this writing, we’ve hosted 13 free open rehearsals/workshops for the community, one performance in a parking lot for a hundred or so jubilant people, and two workshops with the painfully beautiful “at-risk” youth of Pivot. Friday evening we take the enormous stage at Scissortail Park, and we’ve put a great deal of thought and work into our own dialogue and the audience’s experience. SPARK! has been hailed the “Moulin Rouge of Oklahoma City,” and, in a way (insane Hollywood budget notwithstanding), I suppose that’s true. Whether everyone “likes” it is irrelevant - I am confident that each person walks away from our happenings feeling a greater sense of possibility, and that’s the whole point.
Like any live composition, SPARK! has transcended my original impulse. Each artist represents many communities in OKC, and each adds unimaginable depth and radiance to our collective power. The exquisite, “mad luxurious” diversity of thought, training, talent and expression we represent is like a living think tank for how we can operate as a society…if we can joyfully, together, embrace the unknown.
I encourage you (that does sound better than “beg you,” right?) to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Not only do you get that Mad Luxurious content, but, of equal importance, each new engagement keeps us buoyant - it’s a lot of energy to put ourselves out there, and response feels really really good. If you’re super touched by what I’m laying down here, please consider donating (I’m about $6,000 in the hole right now and boy would it feel great to not be in so much debt).
Whether or not you follow or donate to SPARK!, I am eager for your thoughts. Does any of this resonate with you? Am I a redneck Cassandra, hollering my mad prophecies into the early morning wind, or can you dig it? And…how are you, really?
In all, I appreciate your being here, wherever you are. I hope you’re doing okay, all things considered.
More soon, I hope.
With love and a hearty salute,
Nicole
